There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
