hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
