I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
