You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
