I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
