Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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