It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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