she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
