ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
