i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I want her autograph on my taint
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
