We won't sleep together?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
