she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
