i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
