we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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