My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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