Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
