i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
