i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
