im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
