Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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