apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
