I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
