I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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