My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
