Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
