I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
