It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Welp...herpes.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
