People in love make me want to vomit
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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