I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
