You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
