We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
