I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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