so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
