I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
