i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
