im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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