We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
