you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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