But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
