mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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