I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize