I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize