It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You took a bar mat shot.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
