So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
