just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
