the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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