I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
