he shaved USA in his pubs
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
