i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
