i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
