I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
