so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
