Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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