I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
