Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
