sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
