Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
