He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
