I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just threw up on my dentist
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
