I wish I could teleport
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
