I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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