I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
