I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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