Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
