You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
