No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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