I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This baby is an asshole
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize