I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
