Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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