You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife đŹ
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
His name isnt in my phone as âSatanâs spawnâ for no reason. #devildick
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