haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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