yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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