i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She's the barista slut.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
